How To Decompose: Lyrics, etc.

Why do you insist that I am fine
When the devil’s made a house in my skull?
How the shelll holds, I don’t know
But why do you insist that I am fine?
Standing in the dark staring in some yellow kitchen
Seeing faces like tallow
Inside their pumpkin belly walls
Black windows don’t show the dead man in the street
I will hold you down underwater
If you knew what I was thinking right now
You would probably spit in my face
At least
But I will keep my mouth shut
Yes I will keep my mouth shut

Oh this… this is beautiful
With 37 marks to blind the eyes and mind
And this is one of them
I have yet to reconcile
The two ends and 25,000 miles between
Burning down to the soles of my feet
You will give me what I want
I have yet to reconcile
This one thing and the 30,000,000 specks of green
This is one of them
I will see
I know I’m out of time

Story: When I wrote this song, I was going through a phase of writing intentionally cryptic lyrics. That is a little bit annoying to me now, because I like what these lyrics are about, but no one will ever figure them out from listening to them. An example of the cryptic-ness: The “37 marks” part is from a Buddhist story I heard (and now can’t really remember) about these women (goddesses, I think?) who come to earth and are disguised by 37 unbearably ugly attributes. The rest of the lyrics are even harder to decode. The song is basically about trying to gain some perspective, but getting lost in the details and making things harder than they need to be.

3)Bleeding Part 1:
Ask them
We forgot the words
I just want to go home
Life is long
See angels in the sky, see angels in your eyes
Everything you’ve known is moving faster
Including you
But you still think that you’re tied
Motion is meaningless in blackness
You beg forgiveness
I’m talking about bleeding
This is the simplest of truths
It has been eluding me for years
I cannot speak
Although it is ringing in my ears
This is it
Everything you’ve known is moving faster
See angels in the sky
See angels… I just want to go home
I want to be the worm that eats my skin
The bird that eats my eye, the dirt
I want to be the worm that eats my skin
The bird that eats my eye
The dirt that swallows me whole

4)Will You Please Get Out Of The Way?:
With the eyes and teeth all grinning
Towering high and leering down
Tell me that God is afraid of you
And I say I don’t believe them
Bald limbs and trunks entwined
Sewn together with meat and wire
Bent like pipes under the sink we drain away
With edges ripped and bleeding
All together in my head
We can watch as your brain eats itself
And know you’re scared to death that you’ll fade away
Sometimes I can look at you
See those shadows circle round my head
And round my head
Sometimes I’m not scared of you
I know the day will come when you’ll go away
I know you will go away

5)Bury Me:
Young man from apartment 24-D
The Lord paid you to visit me
Now I can’t breathe
Eyes burned black
Lungs burned black
Throat burned black
Mind burned black
Bury me, I love you
Bury me but don’t tell me if they tear you down
This neon grey computer screen
It hurts my head like LSD
Battery acid in my veins
I fell asleep on TV
There’s no room on the ground
We don’t want you in the sky
Better put it underground
Put me underground
Bury me, I love you
Bury me

Story: This was also written during my cryptic phase. It is actually a heart-felt song about about people’s destruction of and seperation from nature, but I was probably embarrassed to write straight forward lyrics about that. The song consists largely of awful word plays, but they’re so veiled I doubt many will notice. An example of one: “Young man from apartment 24-D, the Lord paid you to visit me, now I can’t breathe” …Which means: my landlords hired someone to spray the yard with pesticides and herbicides; 2-4-D is a chemical that yards are commonly sprayed with; after the yard was sprayed, it stank like chemicals and made me feel sick. The whole song is written like that.

6)King Toad:
Sitting in a big house
Lying on the big couch
Maybe that’s the way to be
But the ants are crawling all over it
Now I feel insignicant
Quick somebody validate me

Story: The idea that there are billions of little lifeforms crawling all around me at all times has been freaking me out for years. Not because I think bugs and germs are gross, but simply because I can’t think of any convincing argument that a human being is in any way more important than a dust mite or an ant. So if I think about the near infinitude of life that’s in my immediate vicinity at all times, I start to feel overwhelmed and insignificant. I wrote these lyrics a long time ago, but the basic subject turned out to be something of a theme for a couple of the songs on this album.

7)Any Given Situation:
So what do you want?
Well I don’t know how to put it
And I don’t have the endurance
To keep this up forever
Well I don’t know if it would have made a difference
These fantasies just bring me down
It’s time you found you’re smiling
Through broken bones and chills
This time is mine
In any given situation
Smile through the car crash or break in my sleep
The ghouls can find you anywhere
But not without an invitation
You know just what to do but you don’t know how to do it
You know just what it is but you don’t know what it means
And I don’t know if it would have made a difference
Just go on about your business

Johnny Boy make me something, no cheese and fluff
I want something I can sink my teeth into
Can’t you see my spine
Poking through my back
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday
Now I wonder why I bothered to rehearse
This is good but not as good as some things
Then again, I’m hard to please
Can’t you see my ribs
Poking through my chest
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
I’ll sleep but let me have a little something 1st
Johnny Boy make me soemthing light
I feel a little off this evening
I can see… ugh
OK I’ll shut the fuck up
Saturday, Monday, blah blah
I feel sick but I am still not full

9)In Circles:
I hate this
I’m going round in circles
Can’t break through
Can’t greak down
Just chase my tail
I have done this before
I don’t want to talk about this
I don’t want to think about this
I don’t want to live this anymore

You got a question?
There you go
Oh yeah, I’m talking to you

I’m walking
Walking in the rain
And I’m feeling
I’m feeling the pain
If I hadn’t opened up my vein
Trying to let go of all this shame
You might be here
You might be here with me
I done you wrong

12)Bleeding Part 2:
Now you want to know:
Will he make it through?
Will he forgive you?
Will he miss you at all
Or does he give a damn?
Well, no, I don’t feel so bad
But thanks for asking
Well, no, I don’t feel so bad
I don’t think so
Staring at the sky at night
You see all those stars that have been there forever
You think they could fall for you
They could fall
Oh you cannot believe that they just will not fall for you
Now you have to know:
Everyone makes it through
Of course he forgave you
He doesn’t miss you at all
Cuz he never left you
I don’t care if I bleed to death here
Now please let me go

13)Flies, etc…
Sitting in the kitchen, counting flies
There’s 44 dead, 55 still alive
And I feel a twinge of remorse
Just keep breathing
Sitting with my old friend passing time
We don’t move. They’re 44 to 55
We’re 1 to 1
I’ll sit here till I’m tired enough to sleep
I cannot see any difference
How can there be any difference?
All or nothing
Or what: do you think you’re better than something?
This could happen to anyone at all
It might happen to anyone at all
Self preservation makes me open my eyes in the morning
And I ain’t gonna apologize too much
Cuz long ago I realized
Someone’s got to die if I’m gonna survive
Well I ain’t proud or nothing
Don’t tell me we’re better than anything

Story: Last summer my house was infested with flies in a huge way. I don’t like killing bugs, but I started killing these flies as much as I could to try to control the population. And as their numbers seemed to only increase, I even began to kill them with a sort of glee. I felt bad about that. I squirm at the notion that killing one thing is any more acceptable than killing anything else. But at the same time, I’ve killed scores of bugs in my lifetime and even a mouse or two. And while I’m not proud of it, I’d certainly feel worse if I killed a cat or a deer or a person. So as I massacred the flies, I thought about what might happen if, one day, I was crazed and frustrated to the point that killing a fly and killing a friend of mine were both, in my mind, just unpleasant neccessities. After all, I’m sure I had my reasons.

14)The Day I Found Out I Was The Devil:
The day that I found out I was the devil
I thought I’d be swept off into the sky
Pounded into the ground
The day that I found out I was the devil
I didn’t think I’d stay here anymore
How could I live with myself?
No place on earth for something like me
But that’s not even true
My mom still calls me
My boss still pays me
I’m still scared of strangers
I’m still bored and totally alone
And I can still sleep just fine

15)Out Of You:
I see the window
Even with eyes closed
I’m moving closer
I hope that I am
When the ground breathes
The geometric pulse
Is ringing sweetly in your ears
Do no give in to you
When the deep blue air
Is there but held at bay
And only seen through 2 glass eyes
The end result is you
Sometimes when you sleep
Or crash into the light
For a moment you realize
That it was never you

Story: I wrote this song to reassure myself when I’m on drugs.

I want to live by the water
I want to live underwater
I want to walk home through the dark
Past the ghosts of swamps and crocodiles
I want the stars and moon to freeze my mind
And burn my bones away
Burn it all away
I can see a patch of green from here
I can see my clothes piled in the corner
I can see the place you stand from here
The man next door looks so tired
I can see the noise I made right there
Fingerprints left in a dusty windowsill
I can see the shades od grey and white
And I want to go home
This knot in my stomach
Reminds me of the knot in your stomach
I let you die
And I’m so sorry I can hardly move
I can hardly move
I cannot
I can see the time I spent in here
Marks running up and down my arms
I can see the shape of wings and feathers
All the awful things that I’d forgotten
I can see the places we have been
I can see your bones piled in the corner
I can see the mess we made in here
And I want to

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